1Kings

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When David was on his death bed he shivered all the time. They piled blankets on him, but he was still cold. So finally they rounded up a virgin to crawl into his bed to give him heat, which she promptly did. But it was strictly business. The noble and kingly King David was a man with a very strong will, who never once took advantage of the situation.

"And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not."

Perhaps it was because his wife Bathsheba was nearby. What was wrong with her body heat? Wasn't she 98.6 degrees F? At any rate, it was perks like deathbed virgin heating pads that inspired men to become kings throughout history. David revived enough to make his final words a command for David and Bathsheba's son Solomon to whack Joab, because David was exceedingly wroth with Joab for whacking his son Absalom. Solomon had Joab whacked in the Temple of Yahweh.

And David died at the age of sixty-three, after reigning in Jerusalem for thirty-three years. Then Solomon, son of David, was seated on his father's throne as King of Israel.

King Solomon eliminated his rivals and consolidated his claim to the throne in the years after David died. He reigned over a united kingdom in the period of ancient Israel's greatest prosperity.

Solomon introduced a system of taxation, slave labor, and foreign trade which financed the construction of the temple-palace complex on Mount Zion, adjacent to the old walled city of Jerusalem.

But in his private life he slipped into debauchery, with seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines, including many foreign women who often influenced him to lessen his devotion to Yahweh alone. To please some of these women, he used some money from his construction fund to build pagan temples in Jerusalem.

Now it came to pass, when Solomon was elevated to the throne, God granted him one wish. Solomon could have asked for a chariot driven by lions and made of pure gold, or 72 virgin heating pads, but instead he asked for wisdom and discernment. God was pleased, and granted the request immediately:

"Behold, I have done according to thy words: lo, I have given thee a wise and an understanding heart; so that there was none like thee before thee, neither after thee shall any arise like unto thee."

That means Solomon was wiser than Jesus, even!

Of particular interest is 1 Kings 7:23

"And he made a molten sea, ten cubits from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, and his height was five cubits: and a line of thirty cubits did compass it round about."

Most attribute this to either the measure of the cubit being variable or the measurements being imprecise - certainly the sums are correct to 1 significant figure, even if 1 s.f. is rather useless from an engineering perspective. Some special people believe this passage is very clear; God has the power to change the value of pi to exactly 3. By far, the best solution to this problem is the idea (without any support whatsoever) that the Judeans measured circumference by the inner edge and the diameter by the outer edge.


After David's son Solomon ascended to the throne, he unwisely came to love many foreign women, contrary to the commandment of Yahweh.


King Solomon unwisely had seven hundred wives with the stature of princess, and he had three hundred concubines. Most of these women were the daughters of foreign kings and noblemen, and using their sexual power they enticed Solomon's heart to unwisely follow after strange gods.


Solomon unwisely adored the goddess Astarte and Milcom the god of the Ammonites.


Near Jerusalem, Solomon unwisely built a shrine to Chemosh, god of Moab, and to Molech another god of the Ammonites.


Solomon unwisely built a shrine for each one of his foreign wives who sacrificed to other gods, all to please them.


Solomon unwisely murdered his half-brother Adonijah for asking his mother Haggith to request Abishag the Shunamite, the young girl who was forced to try to revive David's virility, to be his bride, even though Solomon promised Haggith that he would grant any request she made.


Adonijah was cut down in the sanctuary of the temple where he fled for safety, mistakenly hoping that the awesome holiness of the site would be wisely observed.


When Solomon had reigned as king over the whole House of Israel forty years, he died and was buried in Jerusalem. His son Rehoboam succeeded Solomon as king at the age of forty-one. And it was written in the chronicles of the kings of the House of Israel that Solomon was the wisest man that ever lived.

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