Ether
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Ether 1-3
Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon from golden plates, which were different from the brass plates, the small plates of Nephi, and the large plates of Nephi. There were twenty-four other plates which were a record of the Jaredites in North America, and these became the Book of Ether, which was actually written by Moroni.
Moroni says their story really began with Adam, and went all the way to the Tower of Babel, and he supposes that story is retained by the Jews, as well as being duplicated on the other plates. The story of the Jaredites begins at the Tower and it ends before the Nephites ever meet any of them. So their story is a self-contained litte bubble inside the Book of Mormon.
At the Tower of Babel, God was frightened that human beings collectively were beginning to do godlike things. Just as he kicked Adam and Eve out of the garden so they couldn't become godlike with immortality, he confounded the language of men at Babel so they couldn't understand one another and eventually encroach on God's territory.
Somehow, word got out of what God was doing (he didn't do the confounding part all at once). Thinking quickly, Jared told his brother (who remains curiously nameless throughout the story) to pray to God, which his brother did, and God had mercy on Jared and did not confound their language. So Jared could still talk to his brother.
And God told the brother of Jared to gather his family his flocks, and the family of Jared and his flocks, and all their friends and their families, and go down into the "valley which is northward" named Nimrod. Unfortunately for Mormon geography, Babel, which later was the site of Babylon, was on the west bank of the Euphrates River flowing to the southeast, and to go northward was to go up the valley.
Nevertheless, the party ended up on the shores of the sea after crossing many waters with barges. They called their seashore camp Moriancumer, and dwelt there for four years. During that time they forgot the Lord, and never called his name, and at the end of the four years the Lord came to "the brother of Jared" (who remained nameless even though he was the only go-between in God's dealings with Jared's party) and complained. The brother of Jared begged forgiveness, and God said he would give him and Jared this one time.
The Lord told him to make more barges like the ones they made before, and when Jared was done his brother told the Lord there was no airholes in them, and if they get inside they won't be able to breathe. God said okay, then make a couple holes in them for air, and if the water starts to come in you can plug them up again.
So Jared made the holes, but there was the problem of no light. His brother begged the Lord not to make them endure the crossing while dwelling in darkness. And God told him there was no way to have light in the barges because of basic engineering considerations. He can't have windows because they will be broken to pieces. Fire won't work in an airtight space. They're going to spend have the trip underwater like a submarine anyway because the waves are so great. So they're pretty much S.O.L. when it comes to light.
The project pretty much ground to a standstill. There was no way the Jaredites were getting into dark barges for months on end, and God couldn't think of a way to solve the light problem.
But the brother of Jared went up the flanks of Mount Shelem and smelted sixteen small stones from molten rock which were white and translucent. He went to the very summit and said, "O Lord do not be angry with thy servant because of his weakness before thee, but behold these things which I have
molten out of the rock; touch these stones, O Lord, with thy finger, and prepare them that they may shine forth in darkness."
So the Lord did as the brother of Jarod asked, but the brother of Jared saw the finger of God, and it was just like a human finger, so he collapsed in fear. He was afraid that God would smite him for learning his secret that the creator was made of flesh and blood.
God told the brother of Jared that no man ever had as much faith as the brother of Jarod, that was why the brother of Jarod could see his finger. But if the brother of Jared had more faith than any man, why didn't the brother of Jared accept the Lord's opinion that there was no way to have light and air inside the barge at the same time?
God redeemed the brother of Jarod from the fall of Adam right there on the spot so the brother of Jarod could see his whole body and not just his finger. It was a special offer. The rest of humanity would need to wait until Jesus died on the cross before they could be redeemed. But if the brother of Jared's faith satisfied God's justice for the fall of Adam such that he restored the brother of Jared to his presence, why did Jesus have to die on the cross at all?
God identifies himself to the brother of Jared as Jesus Christ, who is the Father and the Son. He said the brother of Jared was now looking at the body of his spirit. And Moroni, who is translating this account from the Jaredite plates, opines that the brother of Jared had no more faith, because he knew for sure, and there was no more room for doubt. In one fell swoop the brother of Jared went from the man who had more faith than any other man in the history of Earth to a man with absolutely no faith.
Ether 11-12
In the days of Com many prophets predicted that the people would face destruction unless they repented, but the people didn't like to hear that and they sought to kill them, so they went into Com's Prophet Protection Progam. He took payment in the form of prophecies and he found himself blessed for the rest of his life.
Com begat Shiblom and the brother of Shiblom, who made war upon each other, and this war involved the whole land.
The brother of Shiblom executed all the prophets who brought bad news about the destruction of the people if the people refused to repent. Following that there was a great destruction, ". . .such an one as never had been known upon the face of the earth. . .greater than the Noah Flood even, if the text is correct.
But apparently this greatest destruction of all time was confined to the Western Hemisphere because there was no report of even the fringes of this destruction in the Bible (the time period was perhaps 800 BC), and after the destruction there were many Jaredites left over while the Noah Flood involved the entire earth and killed everyone not in the ark.
Shiblom was slain, so his son Ahah ascended to the throne. He did much iniquity, and the days of his reign were short. His son Ethem also did much iniquity but reigned a bit longer.
Just like what happened in the days of Com, many prophets came around predicting that God would wipe the people off the face of the earth unless they repented. But the people wouldn't listen, so the prophets backed off.
Ethen did what was wicked before the Lord, and he begat a son Moron, and Moron, true to his name, did what was wicked before the Lord too.
A descendant of Jared overthrew Moron and took his kingdom. Moron was put into jail, and there he begat Coriantor (by binary fission, apparently, since women do not appear in the Book of Mormon except in rare occasions) and Coriantor lived in prison all of his days, from birth to death.
While Coriantor lived his life in jail, the prophets came out again and did their "repent for the end is nigh" schtick again, and they were rejected again.
Coriantor divided by mitosis and begat Ether in captivity, thus producing a second generation of jail babies named Ether. Then he died.
Ether could not be restrained because the Holy Spirit dwelt in him. So he came out of prison and preached to the people during the days of the reign of Coriantumr the king.
All kidding aside, of course they had their wives with them in captivity. But that doesn't make much sense, because Coriantumr was essentially allowing his captive enemies to multiply in captivity, when all he had to do was let their women go free.
My question isn't that Moron's wife was in jail with him, because his captors could have been compassionate enough to allow Moron and his wife to stay together under their house arrest or imprisonment or whatever it was. But Coriantor was born in captivity and died in captivity. So how did he meet his wife, the mother of Ether?
Moroni breaks off his tale there to preach from another New Testament epistle that somehow made its way to America, this time the Book of Hebrews chapter 11, and the discourse on faith. He asserts that Christ only showed himself to men of faith after he died, but if that was true, why did he appear to Thomas, or to any of the disciples cowering in the upper room, devastated at the death of their Lord?
Moroni says God does not have power to perform any miracle among human beings unless they have faith. So he substitutes the recap of Bible stories made possible by faith with a recap of Book of Mormon stories made possible by faith.
By faith Alma and Amulek that caused the prison to tumble to the earth. By faith Nephi and Lehi that wrought change upon the Lamanites. By faith Ammon and his brethren wrought a miracle among the Lamanites. By faith three disciples were made immortal by Christ and would walk the earth until the end of history. And last but not least, by faith the nameless brother of Jared saw the finger of God.
Ether 13-15
Now Moroni commits to plates the tale of the destruction of the Jaredites.
They had rejected the words of Ether, that their land was chosen of God for those who serve him, and it would be the place of the New Jerusalem that would come down from heaven and be the dwelling place of the Lord in the messianic age. Problem: There wasn't even an old Jerusalem yet, there was only Salem whose king (later when Abram immigrated into the Levant) was Melchizadek.
And Ether said that the old Jerusalem would be built up again in Israel. Problem: There was no Israel when the Jaredites made their way to the New World. Israel was named after a man who hadn't even been born yet.
Ether said the the inhabitants of the New Jerusalem would fulfill the covenant God made with Abraham. Problem: The Jaredites departed in the Genesis 11 time-frame. The covenant with Abraham was made in Genesis 12 and was applicable to his children, none of which included any of the Jaredites.
Ninety-nine years after the flood, Peleg was born. His name means 'division'. Genesis 10:25 says ‘for in his days was the earth divided’ which refers to the scattering of men from Babel. Abram was born 191 years after Peleg. Abram was born nearly two centuries after the Jaredites began their migration.
All these prophesies had absolutely nothing to do with the Jaredites, other than they would have to give up their choice land in the New World to accommodate the children of Abraham who would take possession of it and build the New Jerusalem.
So all this talk from Ether about new this, old that, and covenants that hadn't been made would have been only so much crazy talk to the Jaredites. No wonder they rejected Ether's prophesies.
Ether was a contemporary of Coriantumr, circa 600 BC, but Ether was the Jaredites' only source of what was or had happened in the Old World, because their history broke off from there in the era of the Tower or Babel. Ether might as well have been talking about another planet, and his prophesies spoke about another people inheriting their choice land anyway. The only choice they had was to repent and live to see their dispossession, or not repent, and only Coriamtumr would live to see it.
Coriamtumr did not repent, and sought to capture Ether, but Ether fled to a cave and watched everything from afar, and recorded it. What follows is the most boring part of the entire Book of Mormon, and that's really saying something.
A man named Shared rose up and gave battle to Coriamtumr, and brought him into captivity, but the sons of Coriamtumr released him.
Coriamtumr came again after Shared with his armies, and they met in the valley of Gilgal, and Shared was driven to the plains of Heshlon. Then Shared turned and fought Coriamtumr, and drove him back to the valley of Gilgal.
The next time they fought in the valley of Gilgal, Coriantumr slew Shared, but Shared wounded Coriantumr in his thigh, which took him out of commission for two years.
And there was a curse on the land so that when people set objects down at night, in the morning they disappeared. So everyone started keeping their worldly goods and weapons on their own person.
Then the brother of Shared, who was named Gilead, gave battle to Coriantumr, and was driven to the wilderness of Akish. But the brother of Shared waylaid a part of the army of Coriantumr because they were drunken. And he went to the land of Moron and placed himself on Coriantumr's throne. Meanwhile, Coriantumr stayed with his army in the field for two years.
Gilead's high priest murdered him as he sat upon the throne of Coriantumr. Then Lib was elevated to king just in time for Coriantumr to come back to Moron and give battle. Lib wounded him in the arm, but the army of Coriantumr drove the army of Lib to the shore of the sea.
But the army of Lib smote the army of Coriantumr and drove them through the wilderness of Akish to the plains of Agosh. On the plains of Agosh Coriantumr smote upon Lib until he died, but Lib's brother Shiz rose up in his place and gave battle, causing Coriantumr to flee.
Shiz chased after Coriantumr, burned down many cities, and slew women and children.
And all the people in the land flocked into either the army of Shiz or the army of Coriantumr.
So far the war had been so bloody that the whole face of the land was covered with dead bodies, and no one took the time to bury them because they were busy marching to make more dead bodies. And the land stank.
Shiz pursued Coriantumr to the seashore and gave battle for three days. The people of Shiz grew frightened and fled to the land of Corihor, while Coriantumr pitched his tents in the valley of Shurr, and assembled his army on the hill of Comnor hard by.
In the battle Shiz smote upon Coriantumr with many wounds, and Coriantumr fainted from the loss of blood and was carried away. Casualties were so high on both sides that Shiz ordered his people not to pursue the armies of Coriantumr.
When Coriantumr recovered from his wounds he remembered the words of Ether and saw that two million of his men had been slain already, and also their families, and he realized that the prophesies had been fulfilled to the letter. So Coriantumr wrote a message to Shiz that he ought to resign for the sake of the lives of his people. Shiz said no way.
Then Shiz wrote a message to Coriantumr that if he game himself up, he would spare the lives of the people. Coriantumr said no way. So the people of Coriantumr gave battle to the people of Shiz. But when Coriantumr saw that he was about to be defeated he fled from the armies of Shiz.
They came to the river Ripliancum, which was the greatest river in the land, probably the Mississippi. In the morning the armies fought. Coriantumr was wounded in battle and fainted with the loss of blood.
The armies of Coriantumr drove the armies of Shiz southward to Ogath. The army of Coriantumr camped at the hill Ramah, which is also the hill Cumorah, where Mormon hid the plates of Nephi and where another battle would take place that would result in 240,000 deaths.
Four years were spent by both sides rounding up all the people to fight. Every single one who still lived, except Ether, who would be an observer.
All the people in the land fought here at the hill Ramah/Cumorah. Men, women, and children were all armed with weapons and wore armor. Men killed women and children as well as other men. Mothers killed other mothers and their children. The children of Coriantumr killed the children of Shiz, and vice versa, so much did they hate each other.
After that day's fighting, Coriantumr wrote a message to Shiz to the effect that he didn't want to fight anymore, but Shiz didn't agree to stop.
The next day they fought again until there were 69 folks with Shiz who where still alive, and 52 folks with Coriantumr.
The next day they fought again until there were 32 folks with Shiz who were still alive, and 27 folks with Coriantumr.
Shiz and his men chased down Coriantumr and his men, and they fought until only Shiz and Coriantumr still lived. Then Coriantumr gained so many hits on Shiz that Shiz passed out from the loss of blood. Then Coriantumr smote off the head of Shiz. And that woke him up:
And it came to pass that after he had smitten off the head of Shiz, that Shiz raised upon his hands and fell; and after that he had struggled for breath, he died.
In 4 Nephi, the Lamanites and Nephites were converted to Christ and lived in peace for at least two hundred years, but this rated only a few verses because peace, love and harmony are so womanish. But having Shiz raise up on his hands after his head was chopped off and try to breathe before dying, now that's good meaty "Spike TV" stuff. The Book of Mormon is filled with that sort of thing, and if I go "Eeeewwwgghh!" I'm not treating it as sacred.
