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Would a cow lick Lot's wife?

Now the two Elohim who were with Yahweh at Mamre arrive at Sodom. The investigation is over, and the LORD has ordered weapons Red and Free on that city, and the neighboring town of Gomorrah. But he wants to rescue Lot and his family before the airstrike.

The two angels were intercepted by Lot at the city gate, and escorted through the streets to his house where he ministered to them in much the same way Abraham had ministered to them and Yahweh. They were willing to stay out in the street all night, but Lot insisted, and they agreed to accept his hospitality.

This hospitality was soon contrasted with the contempt demonstated by all the male residents of the city, who crowded around Lot's house and wanted nothing more than to rape the two angelic beings, who were no doubt specimens of astonishing male beauty.

Lot was horrified. So important to him was his oath of hsopitality that he was even willing to offer his own daughters to quench the crowd's sexual fire, so long as they put all thought of molesting these two divine visitors far from their mind. He even told them they were virgins, even though in reality they were both married. This defiance only infuriated the crowd all the more, and they threatened to treat him worse than they wanted to treat his two guests. But the angels pulled Lot back into the house and flooded the area with a burst of light so intense that everyone in the crowd was rendered blind.

The angels had seen quite enough. God's judgment was well-founded. They told Lot to gather his kin and all his goods and get out of the city, because it was about to be nuked. Lot tried to convince his son-in-laws, the husbands of his daughters, to leave with him, but they thought he was nuts.

Time grew short. The angels took Lot's hand, and the hand of his wife, and the hands of his two daughters, and whisked them far from the city so they would be well outside the Nuclear Damage Avoidance Zone. The angels told them to keep running for the mountains, "and whatever you do, don't look back!"

Of course, the first thing Lot's wife did was look back to watch God zap the two cities, and she became a salt lick for cattle.

In the area around the Dead Sea there are strange formations of crystalized salt. No doubt one of these salt pillars suggested this story to the author.

Lot and his two daughters spent some time in a cave until the danger was clear. His two daughters thought that the entire earth had been destroyed in the same way that Sodom and Gomorrah had been. They thought their old father was the last man remaining on Earth, and it was up to them to continue the human race. So over two consecutive nights, they contrived to get Lot drunk, and lay with him. One became the mother of the Moabites, and the other became the mother of the Ammonites, which were traditional enemies of the people who would be reading this story. A nice little scandal to wrap up the tale. Of course, the Moabites and Ammonites probably had a different story about the founding of their country, but no matter.

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