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As a registered user of Hell 2.0, your benefits include spending eternity in vats of low-fat canola oil.

You'd have to download patches for your angel wings every month.

Don't click on the "God Loves You" email whatever you do, or it will delete all the Cherubim and Seraphim.

Every year a "new, improved" version of hell no better than the old one.

New improved Hell: Automatic pain threshold detection, thermostatically controlled furnaces, free trident with every purchase, multimedia moaning and groaning now digitally recorded, makes eternity seem twice as long as before.

"Where do you want to go for the rest of eternity?"

With Microsoft, you'll enjoy Hell so much you won't want to leave.

But if you don't go to Hell, Microsoft still gets paid thanks to their contract with the Manufacturer which says He must pay Microsoft for each platform regardless of which OS that platform eventually runs under.

Each cloud comes with only one seat - if you want more, you have to buy a site license.

The original vapourware.

If you get a sore back from sleeping on a cloud which is too soft, firmware is available.

Owing to an unfortunate bug in the FPU the number of the beast was computed to be 665.999987

New tortures in hell would be called "Beta versions."

Please insert soul in drive a:

Afterlife.sys not found! Do you want to re-incarnate? (y/n)

REALITY.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N)

GOD ERROR #01 -Universe 98% full. Delete EARTH.SYS (Y/N)

Computer possessed. Load EXOR.SYS? (Y/N)

The old Purgatory 95 takes too much space on the hard drive and God deletes it.

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