If

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If Xena had been a 70's show

1. The chakram would have been a mood ring.

2. “My baloney has a first name, it’s J-O-X-E-R.”

3. Gabrielle would have worn the Avocado Green Tube Top (AGTT).

4. Fans would have used character names from the show as their “handles” on the CB radio. "Break one nine, this is Ares the God of War, come back?"

5. In the musical episode Xena would have sung:

Oh yes I am wise, but it’s wisdom born of pain,

Yes, I’ve paid the price, but look how much I gained,

If I have to I can face anything,

I am strong (strong),

I am invincible (invincible),

I am woman!

And Gabrielle would have sung back to her,

Have you never been mellow?

Have you never tried to find a comfort from inside you.

Have you never been happy just to hear your song?

Have you never let someone else be strong?”

6. Xenites would have collected all the soundtracks on either vinyl or 8-track.

7. The episode with the three naked Gabrielle clones would have started a nationwide “streaking” craze.

8. Callisto would have kept getting buried under pet rocks.

9. Gabrielle would have handed out “Whip Invasion Now” buttons as a peaceful alternative to killing Romans.

10. At the beginning of the show, the faces of all the major characters would have gazed at each other from their position within a large blue tic-tac-toe grid, while the Xena Theme Song played:

Here’s the story, of a Warrior Princess,

Who expanded her home town’s buffer zone

She traversed all the land with Joxer

But somehow she felt so all alone.

Til this one day when the Princess met her Gabby

And they knew it was much more than a hunch.

That these three must somehow form a family

That’s the way they became the Xena Bunch!

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